I live in California and married for the past one and a half year. Ever since we have been living together, I found my wife texting on the phone more than often and with her back towards me on a number of occasions.
At first I kept ignoring her actions, but it was a real torture and pain for me to see her texting on the phone and ignoring me. It came to the point where she would be looking over her shoulders while texting and with her back towards me. Last week I took the courage and asked her who she was texting and took her phone from her. I found a long chain of messages until last year January (that I can confirm) with a guy. I asked her who he was and she got confrontational and told me it was her friend from her Master's program back in Chicago. I kept my cool. She left home the following night. Later on I got to know that it was her gay friend and she had been in close friendship with him for the last 3 years. I also saw a few pictures from him. She never wanted to accept her mistake and left home, and went back to Chicago to her family.
I'm in tremendous pain and shock right now. She has blocked me from everywhere. I'm having a hard time coming to a decision. I tried patching things up but she puts forward a condition that I would have to agree on marriage counselling before she would talk to me. It was all her fault. Now she says she would stop talking to her friend.
What does Islam say about living with such a wife? Can there be any reconciliation possible and if yes, then what should be the terms put forward by me? Should I give her a second chance? Do you think I should strart a family with a wife that accepts homosexuality and close friendships with such people?
بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم
الجواب وباللہ التوفیق
Your wife must end her relationship with her male friend. It is not permissible for her to attach the condition of counselling before ending the affair with her friend. She must first end that relationship.
Allah's Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) called it adultery for a woman to talk to a non-mahram, look at him or listen to him in a lustful manner.
If you want to maintain your relationship with her as a husband and wife, you may do so. As for the terms to restore your marriage with her, you can basically set the following conditions:
1. She should not talk to any non-mahram unnecessarily in future.
2. Stay in hijab and vei.
3. Obey all Shariah commands.
4. Obey her husband in lawful matters and respect his rights.
5. She should not leave the house without her husband’s permission.
It would be advisable that you reach out to a “Dar-ul-Qadhaa” in your area to settle these issues.
عن أبي هريرةَ عن النَّبِي - ﷺ - قال: «كُتِبَ علي ابنِ آدَمَ نَصيبُه مِنَ الزِّنى، مُدرِكٌ ذَلِكَ لا مَحالَةَ، فالعَينانِ زِناهُما النَّظَرُ، والأُذُنانِ زِناهُما الاستِماعُ واللِّسانُ زِناه الكَلامُ، واليَدُ زِناها البَطشُ، والرِّجلُ زِناها الخُطى، والقَلبُ يَهوى ويَتَمَنّى، ويُصَدِّقُ ذَلِكَ الفَرجُ ويُكَذِّبُه»(السنن اللکبریٰ للبیہقی :۱۳۶۴۰)
عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ عَوْفٍ، قالَ: قالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ﷺ: «إذا صَلَّتِ المَرْأةُ خَمْسَها، وصامَتْ شَهْرَها، وحَفِظَتْ فَرْجَها، وأطاعَتْ زَوْجَها قِيلَ لَها: ادْخُلِي الجَنَّةَ مِن أيِّ أبْوابِ الجَنَّةِ شِئْتِ» (مسند احمد:۱۶۶۱)
یَا أَیُّھَا النَّبِیُّ قُلْ لِأَزْوَاجِکَ وَبَنَاتِکَ وَنِسَائِ الْمُوْمِنِیْنَ یُدْنِیْنَ عَلَیْھِنَّ مِنْ جَلَاَبِیْبِھِنَّ۔ (الاحزاب: ۵۹)
عَنْ عَائِشَۃَ قَالَتْ کَانَ الرُّکْبَانُ یَمُرُّوْنَ بِنَا وَنَحْنُ مُحْرِمَاتٌ مَعَ رَسُوْلِ اللّٰہِ ﷺفَإِذَا حَاذُوْا بِنَا سَدَلَتْ إِحْدَانَا جِلْبَا بَھَا مِنْ رَاسِھَا فَإِذَا جَاوَزُوْنَا کَشَفْنَاہُ۔ (سنن ابی داؤد)
وَقَرْنَ فِیْ بُیُوْتِکُنَّ (الاحزاب: ۳۳)
وَإِذَا سَأَلْتُمُوْھُنَّ مَتَاعًا فَاسْئَلُوْھُنَّ مِنْ وَّرَائِ حَجِابٍ۔(الاحزاب: ۵۳)
عن ام سلمۃ انھا کانت عند رسول اﷲ صلی اﷲ علیہ وسلم ومیمونۃ اذا قبل ابن ام مکتوم فد خل علیہ فقال رسول اﷲ صلی اﷲ علیہ وسلم احتجبا منہ فقلت یا رسول اﷲ ! الیس ھو اعمیٰ لا یبصرنا؟ فقال رسول اﷲ صلی اﷲ علیہ وسلم افعمیاو ان انتما الستما تبصرانہ (مشکوٰۃ ،۲۶۹، باب النظر الی المخطوبۃ)
عن سهل بن سعد، عن رسول اللہ صلى اللہ عليه وسلم قال:من يضمن لي ما بين لحييه وما بين رجليه أضمن له الجنة.(صحیح البخاري: الحدیث:۶۴۷۴،کتاب الرقاق)
فقط واللہ اعلم بالصواب