Wednesday | 30 November 2022 | 5 Jamadiul-Awal 1444
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Fatwa Answer

Question ID: 1645 Category: Rights
Is okay to get tortured mentally and lose your self respect on the name of Islam and Patience???

As salamu alaikum 

I came to U.S in 2017 after marriage and living here since then. I never got any positive vibes from my immediate in-laws. Especially my mother in law. My husband is her only son and she had 2 daughters. So as per my husband's relatives before marriage my husband use to listen to his sisters and mother. He even use to sleep along with his mom. But it's obvious after marriage things got change and so all these ladies never liked me. My both sister in laws never say anything in front of me but I can feel there negativity. And I was okay with that. I never reacted to these things. But my mother in law she keeps taunting me, she keeps telling that she doesn't likes me and she was all healthy but then since I came she got so many health issues and now if something happens to her then I am responsible. And everytime she says something torturing over phone and later denies. And my both sister in laws will always there present during these scenarios and she call me using their phone only but then even they denies everything and claims that I am lying in front of their relatives. I don't have any family here. My parents lives in India they know everything but there is no one with whom they can about this. If my husband question his family they will start accusing him and will say him that he is losing his Jannah by hurting his mom. Since 5 years this is happening and everytime she insults me, tortures me and then I am forced on the name of religion to go back and meet them as if nothing happened. And the worst thing is that when I go back, their face and reaction is like,"look you have got no one to stand by you, ultimately you are here bending infront of us after what all we did. This is a mental torture to me. I have lost my confidence and self esteem. I feel like I have no identity. Recently 10 days back I become mother and I was at my sister in law place with my mother in law as per her demand and as a result  my stitches were apart and I landed up in emergency then I came back to my place.  And her torture started again, she accused me of stealing her son and grandson without thinking about my condition at all. And said that she is going to behave with me like until she gets back her son. Within 15 minutes my mother called her and talked to her and she denied everything that happen. My sister in laws were present with her at time as one of them called me and said "mom is angry on you and wants to talk to you". But now all these 3 ladies are denying everything. And now they wants my husband to bring me and my sons back to my sister in laws place and live with them. I am sick and tired of all these. Please help me. Everyone is forcing me.

بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم

الجواب و باللہ التوفیق

If the situation mentioned is in accordance with the incident, then the behavior of your mother-in-law and of your sisters-in-law is certainly cruel and abusive, in which there is a fear of severe grip in the Hereafter. Those ladies must fear wrath of Allah (SWT) and worry about their destiny.

In your current situation, it becomes obligatory upon your husband to arrange a separate house for you, according to Shariah Rules. Or if separate living is currently not possible, your husband must ensure that his mother and his sisters stop maligning you and stop interfering in your personal life. 

But you have also  mentioned that you are living in a separate house. In that case, they have no right to force you to live with your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law.

Having said that, you should recite the following on daily basis: 

Surah Al-Fatihah, Surah Al-Akhlas, Surah Al-Falaq, Surah An-Naas and Ayat Al-Kursi, seven times, daily in the morning and evening.In addition, after Fajr prayer, daily read Surah Yaseen Sharif one time and recite "Ya-Aziz 100 times and then blow upon yourself. Keep praying and seeking Allah’s help in getting over these issues.

Now, whenever you meet your mother-in-law and sisters-in-law, be kind to them, but don't give up your rights. A day will come when they will be ashamed of what they had been doing and will In-Shaa-Allah give up their bad treatment.

Allaah says in the Qura’an:

اِدْفَعْ بِالَّتِی ھِیَ اَحْسَنُ فَاِذَا الَّذِی بَیْنَکَ وَ بَیْنَہ عَدَاوَۃ کَاَنَّہ وَلِیّ حَمِیم

(Translation: Repel evil with what is better: then will be between whom and thee was hatred, become as it were thy friend and intimate).Parah 24, Surah Fussilat and Ayah 34. That is, doing evil for evil increases enmity, while doing good diffuses it until the enmity disappears, and this is the reward and fate of those who have a high moral character. "Bayan-ul-Quran 3/336".

A blessed hadith says:

صل من قطعك وأحسن إلى من أساء إليك۔ کنز العمال الباب الاول، الفصل الثانی، 3/359، حدیث نمبر 6929، المکبۃ الشاملہ

(Whoever breaks away from you, connect with him, and whoever does evil to you, reciprocate with good to him).

المراجع:

امْرَأَةٌ أَبَتْ أَنْ تَسْكُنَ مَعَ ضَرَّتِهَا، أَوْ مَعَ أَحْمَائِهَا كَأُمِّهِ وَغَيْرِهَا، فَإِنْ كَانَ فِي الدَّارِ بُيُوتٌ فَرَّغَ لَهَا بَيْتًا، وَجَعَلَ لِبَيْتِهَا غَلْقًا عَلَى حِدَةٍ لَيْسَ لَهَا أَنْ تَطْلُبَ مِنْ الزَّوْجِ بَيْتًا آخَرَ، فَإِنْ لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهَا إلَّا بَيْتٌ وَاحِدٌ فَلَهَا ذَلِكَ۔ فتاوی الھندیۃ کتاب الطلاق باب النفقات الفصل الثانی فی السکنی 1/556 المکتبۃ الشاملہ

قال العلامۃ الحصکفی رحمہ اللہ: وَفِي الْبَحْرِ عَنْ الْخَانِيَّةِ: يُشْتَرَطُ أَنْ لَا يَكُونَ فِي الدَّارِ أَحَدٌ مِنْ أَحْمَاءِ الزَّوْجِ يُؤْذِيهَا ۔ و قال ابن عابدین رحمہ اللہ: (قَوْلُهُ وَفِي الْبَحْرِ عَنْ الْخَانِيَّةِ إلَخْ) عِبَارَةُ الْخَانِيَّةِ: فَإِنْ كَانَتْ دَارٌ فِيهَا بُيُوتٌ وَأَعْطَى لَهَا بَيْتًا يُغْلَقُ وَيُفْتَحُ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهَا أَنْ تَطْلُبَ بَيْتًا آخَرَ إذَا لَمْ يَكُنْ ثَمَّةَ أَحَدٍ مِنْ أَحْمَاءِ الزَّوْجِ يُؤْذِيهَا. اه قَالَ الْمُصَنِّفُ فِي شَرْحِهِ: فَهِمَ شَيْخُنَا أَنَّ قَوْلَهُ ثَمَّةَ أَشَارَ لِلدَّارِ لَا الْبَيْتِ؛ لَكِنْ فِي الْبَزَّازِيَّةِ: أَبَتْ أَنْ تَسْكُنَ مَعَ أَحْمَاءِ الزَّوْجِ وَفِي الدَّارِ بُيُوتٌ إنْ فَرَّغَ لَهَا بَيْتًا لَهُ غَلَقٌ عَلَى حِدَةٍ وَلَيْسَ فِيهِ أَحَدٌ مِنْهُمْ لَا تُمَكَّنُ مِنْ مُطَالَبَتِهِ بِبَيْتٍ آخَرَ. اهـ فَضَمِيرُ فِيهِ رَاجِعٌ لِلْبَيْتِ لَا الدَّارِ وَهُوَ الظَّاهِرُ، لَكِنْ يَنْبَغِي أَنْ يَكُونَ الْحُكْمُ كَذَلِكَ فِيمَا إذَا كَانَ فِي الدَّارِ مِنْ الْأَحْمَاءِ مَنْ يُؤْذِيهَا وَإِنْ لَمْ يَدُلَّ عَلَيْهِ كَلَامُ الْبَزَّازِيِّ قُلْتُ: وَفِي الْبَدَائِعِ: وَلَوْ أَرَادَ أَنْ يُسْكِنَهَا مَعَ ضَرَّتِهَا أَوْ مَعَ أَحْمَائِهَا كَأُمِّهِ وَأُخْتِهِ وَبِنْتِهِ فَأَبَتْ فَعَلَيْهِ أَنْ يُسْكِنَهَا فِي مَنْزِلٍ مُنْفَرِدٍ؛ لِأَنَّ إبَاءَهَا دَلِيلُ الْأَذَى وَالضَّرَرِ وَلِأَنَّهُ مُحْتَاجٌ إلَى جِمَاعِهَا وَمُعَاشَرَتِهَا فِي أَيِّ وَقْتٍ يَتَّفِقُ لَا يُمْكِنُ ذَلِكَ مَعَ ثَالِثٍ؛ حَتَّى لَوْ كَانَ فِي الدَّارِ بُيُوتٌ وَجَعَلَ لِبَيْتِهَا غَلَقًا عَلَى حِدَةٍ قَالُوا لَيْسَ لَهَا أَنْ تُطَالِبَهُ بِآخَرَ. اهـ فَهَذَا صَرِيحٌ فِي أَنَّ الْمُعْتَبَرَ عَدَمُ وُجْدَانِ أَحَدٍ فِي الْبَيْتِ لَا فِي الدَّارِ 3/500 المکتبۃ الشاملہ

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