Relationship Guidance

Salam, I pray that you are well & may Allah accept your prayers in this holy month. I am grateful for your time. Before you read my story below, I want to tell you that I forbid you all from sharing any information regarding my case, in part or whole. I am tormented this month & I am reaching out to you as scholars to guide me.I am requesting this fatwa both for personal clarity & for showing my ex-husb& what I did & how Islam sees it. I wish to use this as a last resort to show him that I am not ill charactered & I love him endlessly.For context, In 2018, my ex-husb& & I spoke briefly for 3 months when we were younger, but he realized that he can't be with me due to family differences. He broke up with me, & for three years, I did not look at another man. Ultimately, he asked to be with him again & I agreed. We were mostly chaste the whole time we dated, except last year, when we then got married secretly.I dated my ex-husb& first for a couple of years (starting in 2022), & we engaged in zina, may Allah forgive us both. After that, we married in secrecy in Feb 2024. His temperament was a little more practical, I was emotional. I have had a tough childhood, with an abusive father, & a suffering mother so I took things he did or said to heart & didn't want my mother's fate to be mine. My father was awful, & I compared my ex-husb& to him, but now I can see clearly, he is not like that. He is a good man.After being married to him for barely a year, we had had many fights & I was over hurt by things he said, perhaps I didn't have the right guidance, perhaps he was harsh sometimes but I in my naivety complained to my brother, who lived a 5 hour flight away. Upon finding out that we had married in secrecy, & lived together, he lost his mind. He ordered me to leave at once. I tried to persuade him to let me deal with things, but he didn't listen. He told our mother too, she too asked me to leave. I was pressured by them & ended up leaving. My husb& was in shambles & pleaded with me to stay, he said that he will fix himself but I didn't give him a chance because my family didn't let me. Despite knowing that I was married, my brother introduced me to his friend, who took an instant liking to me. I was under immense pressure, & even fought with my brother & mother & tried to leave but they stopped me. My brother made me swear upon his eyes & made me promise that I will leave my husb&. I cannot believe that we didn't give my husb& a chance. I came back but my love for my husb& overcame me, & I wanted to be with him, & so after having spoken to that other man twice in front of my family & by their compulsion, I tried to break things off but he didn't let me. His engagement had broken previously, & he emotionally blackmailed me to tell him what the issue was, so I told him that I love someone else. He asked me to take my time & sort my issues, & then tell him. I told him to not contact me for a month, but he still did. He kept on insisting that I tell him about my husb&, who he thought was only my boyfriend. I tried to deflect, but given that he was my brother's friend & now knew that I was in love with someone, I was trying not to be rude. In all of this, my husb& tried to contact me, but my brother had made me block him everywhere. I had left our apartment (where my husb& & I lived) & came to stay with a friend. She was also informing my brother about my whereabouts, & she was also brainwashing me. Once my husb& came there, but I did not go to see him outside because my friend stopped me, & having sworn to my brother that I won't see him, I didn't. He also called me to check that I hadn't gone out. I was crying in the bathroom. My brother's friend was also calling me all the time, & I accidentally also said my husb&'s name instead of his at that time. I was doing everything as my brother instructed. Knowing that his friend had liked me, he advised me to tell the new guy about being married, who upon finding, initially told me that he should end things with me, but within minutes said that he thinks Allah had sent him as a rehmat for me. Then he started brainwashing me & asked me to become intimate with him over the phone. Knowing that I had given away my husb& & my secret, I was scared that he would expose us. So I did as he told me to. Allah is my witness that I never once did anything voluntarily & I told him to not force me on all occasions but he spoke to me with extreme authority. I even said no to marrying him many times. Ultimately, I thought that I am doomed & now I cannot ever get back together with my husb&. I accepted the new man as my fate. I tried to get a divorce from my husb& a few times, who didn't want to do it. I knew that I had made a huge mistake. Then the new guy, who lived in another country started telling me that he will visit me, & I was now living in a place where everyone knew me & would have realized that a different man is visiting me. My husb& & I had settled in a place where everyone knew that we were married, only our families did not. So scared of my reputation, I told him that I will visit him. But I made him promise that he will not touch me while I am there. He promised. At the last moment, I revealed everything to my mother & brother, who were ashamed of me, for having committed phone sex, & were shocked that I had gotten my visa & ticket to visit the new man. I had shared this as a plea for help because I didn't want to go. I recorded the new man as saying that he wants to sleep next to me, but I told him that I don't want that, that I want different lodgings but he said that he won't touch me. He promised & my family heard it. They let me go there. He raped me there. I screamed my husb&'s name & cried. He tortured me while I was there & I bled from my rectum. I accepted this as my punishment & in shame I accepted everything. After coming back to the apartment where I was living, I was so disgusted & overwhelmed, I recorded him confessing to it, & then I made my mother, brother & sister hear it. Then they told me to break things off, at that point I didn't want to because this new man had so much power over me. He was all words & made gr& promises initially & then everything fell apart. By then, my husb& had stopped pursuing me. My family & this man didn't even care that I was still married to my husb&. Finally, I again asked him for a divorce. He & I cried like children but did get divorced through mubarat (he had given me the delegated right to divorce him). Upon seeing him, my patience broke, & I said that I no longer want to marry this new man. I had extreme pressures but I loved my husb&, but we were divorced then. I confessed to all that happened, & he still told me that he will st& by me. Finally, after a storm where the secret of my marriage came out to some people, that other man had told his mother, who told some other people, but largely we were spared. The other man & I were engaged through families, neither of us were there in person, but our parents agreed to marry us. I broke off that engagement & gifts were returned. The other man threatened me that he will come into my life like a storm each time I try to settle down. He has gotten married since, & my mother made his father promise that he won't do me any more harm. I don't know what will happen in the future, but it has been about 10 months since the engagement broke & I got divorced. My ex husb& & I stayed in touch during this time, he lives close to me. We were intimate too for nearly 8 months rarely but we were, but we stopped completely about 2 months ago. We slept in the same bed for almost 9 months after. & while he & I told each other that we are helping each other move on, hope rekindled in my heart that he will be with me again. I know only this much that I love him so much & it has been 3 days now since he told me clearly that he will never accept me & my heart is broken. I am unable to do anything. Among other reasons like my family's dislike, a huge class divide between our families (his is white collar, mine is blue collar), my betrayal by siding with my family, & most importantly, he considered the phone sex that I did under compulsion & force as adultery. He felt bad for me & has empathy, but he said he doesn't love me anymore. I have offered to pay him damages but he doesn't want me anymore. Please help me.I am truly ashamed of failing as a wife & committing sins but I had a bad influence & wrong guidance too. I want to make things right & want a second chance. I have made mistakes but I have also learned my lesson. I want one last chance. I am repenting to Allah every day. I have apologized to my ex-husb& so many times too. Please help me. My heart is
aching. I am not a bad charactered woman. Wasallam.