Ruling on emotional abuse and how to deal with it accordingly and islamically.

Question

Salam Aleikum. I am writing to ask a question regarding my mother in law who has caused me emotional abuse and how to deal with this islamically. I have been married with my husband for almost 6 years Alhamdullilah. I have always had an up and down relationship with my mother in law. I am a convert Muslim, so I have tried to do my own research on the obligations of a daughter in law to a mother in law. Please correct me if I am wrong, but what I have researched is that a daughter in law should be very respectful and kind to her in laws, show love, and treat with honor. A daughter in law is not obligated to serve her in laws nor forced to live with them. When my husband and I first got married he advised me we can live with his mother until we save money to move in which I agreed. Living with her has Alhamdullilah had some great moments, but most of the time were not good moments. I have cried many nights because of her rude comments, her slandering me to her 40,000 Snapchat followers which a lot of them are my husbands paternal side of the family and maternal side of the family. She has spread rumors, hate, and has even spoken badly about me in their native language, which resulted in my husband telling my days later what she has said. I was very unhappy living with her, when we finally moved in to our own home we finally got a break. We were able to have a better relationship after we moved. However that didn’t last very long, and again she started with her rude “jokes” as she likes to state. I have always been very nervous and anxious around her. She has apologized to me and I said I pray Allah SWT allows me to forgive. We later on still continue to text/call each other however she still is very rude at times and causes us problems. She has wished death upon his paternal grandmother when we told her she was happy for my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant a second time, I had extreme anxiety. I would listen to surah Al baqarah in hopes to find ease, and it would not work. I knew my anxiety was from my mother in law because everyday I could not stop thinking about the emotional abuse she caused me before she apologized, and the abuse that continued after. I tried to go on anxiety medication because of her but my husband refused. I didn’t speak to her for quite some time, which resulted in me slowly feeling a little better. I have cried many nights and months to my parents asking what have I done for her to hate me so much. No one has ever made me feel the need to go on anxiety medication in hopes for mental peace. I do not wish to be around her, since today in present 2026 time she has caused more rumors which resulted in my husbands cousin cursing me out. Am I allowed to not see her, and just send a message her and there to check on her well being? Is this permissible or will Allah SWT punish me?

please, I hope someone can get back to me shortly.

Shakeel Ahmed · Accepted Answer

It should be understood that the relationship between husband and wife, and between their respective families, is not sustained merely by rights and legal obligations. Rather, it flourishes through good character, patience, and mutual respect. Islam instructs every Muslim to treat their relatives with kindness. Just as a wife is expected to respect her husband and his parents, the husband and his parents are likewise obligated to treat the daughter-in-law with kindness and respect.

For a wife, serving her in-laws—especially her father-in-law and mother-in-law—and treating them with good manners is a source of reward and blessing. As far as possible, she should try to live with and serve her husband's parents. If she experiences unpleasant behavior from them, she should exercise patience and hope for reward from Allah.

However, if living together results in ongoing conflict, harm, or disrespect, then according to Islamic law the wife is not obligated to live with her husband's parents. She has the right to request separate accommodation. In such a case, living separately is permissible, provided the purpose is not to sever family ties but to avoid continual disputes and hardship. Even then, respect, courtesy, and good treatment should be maintained.

If frequent interaction with them consistently causes you emotional distress, mental hardship, or domestic conflict, then you may limit your visits and interactions in order to protect yourself from such harm.

In such circumstances, it is permissible to limit the relationship to what is reasonably necessary, such as offering greetings, inquiring about their well-being, showing goodwill, and maintaining an appropriate level of family contact. You should not develop hostility toward them or completely sever ties, but it is permissible to maintain an appropriate distance for the sake of your emotional well-being and religious welfare.

In shāʾ Allāh, you will not be sinful for doing so. Rather, you have the right to protect yourself from injustice and harm.

May Allah Almighty ease your circumstances, grant you patience, and bless you with goodness and barakah. Āmīn.

واضح رہے کہ میاں بیوی اور ان کے خاندانوں کے تعلقات صرف حقوق و ضوابط سے نہیں بلکہ حسنِ اخلاق، صبر اور باہمی احترام سے خوشگوار بنتے ہیں۔ اسلام نے ہر مسلمان کو اپنے متعلقین کے ساتھ اچھے برتاؤ کا حکم دیا ہے۔ جس طرح بیوی پر شوہر اور اس کے والدین کے احترام کا حق ہے، اسی طرح شوہر اور اس کے والدین پر بھی بہو کے ساتھ حسنِ سلوک لازم ہے۔

بیوی کے لیے سسرال خصوصاً ساس سسر کی خدمت اور ان کے ساتھ خوش اخلاقی باعثِ اجر و سعادت ہے، اور حتی الامکان والدین کے ساتھ رہ کر ان کی خدمت کی کوشش کرنی چاہیے۔ اگر ان کی طرف سے کوئی ناگوار بات پیش آجائے تو صبر اور اجر کی امید رکھنی چاہیے۔

تاہم اگر ساتھ رہنے سے مستقل نزاع، اذیت یا بے ادبی کا اندیشہ ہو تو شرعاً بیوی پر شوہر کے والدین کے ساتھ رہنا لازم نہیں، ان سے الگ رہائش کا حق حاصل ہے۔ ایسی صورت میں الگ رہائش اختیار کریں ،بشرطیکہ اس کا مقصد قطع تعلق نہ ہو بلکہ باہمی نزاعات اور اذیت سے بچنا ہو۔ البتہ ادب، احترام اور حسن سلوک کا دائرہ برقرار رکھنا چاہئے۔

اگر ان سے مسلسل میل جول آپ کے لیے ذہنی اذیت، پریشانی یا گھریلو فساد کا سبب بن رہا ہو، تو آپ اپنے آپ کو اس نقصان سے بچانے کے لیے ملاقاتوں کو محدود کر سکتی ہیں۔

ایسی صورت میں ضرورت کے مطابق خیرخواہی، سلام، خیریت دریافت کرنے اور مناسب حد تک تعلق برقرار رکھنے پر اکتفا کرنا جائز ہے۔ ان سے مکمل دشمنی یا قطع تعلق نہ کریں، لیکن اپنی ذہنی اور دینی سلامتی کے لیے مناسب فاصلہ اختیار کرنا بھی درست ہے۔ اس پر ان شاء اللہ آپ گناہ گار نہیں ہوں گی، بلکہ ظلم اور اذیت سے بچنے کا حق رکھتی ہیں۔

اللہ تعالیٰ آپ کے حالات میں آسانی، صبر اور خیر و برکت عطا فرمائے۔ آمین۔