WIFE SEEKING KHULA(DIVORCE) WITH FAMILY DESPITE PERSISTENT ATTEMPTS FOR RECONCILIATION.

Question

Assalamualaikum,Respected Mufti
I am reaching out because I am in a situation right now where my wife and her family threw me out of their house and will not even fathom the thought of sitting down and considering reconciliation.I have tried and tried through endless means to seek their compassion for dialogue and consideration of Reconciliation but only in vein. they have along with her set their decision and will not change it in any way whatsoever.They spoke about after Ramadan and lock down finishes we sit down and complete all divorce proceedings.they also mentioned settlement of Mehr.I know from my limited knowledge of Islam that there is a Verse in Surah Bakarah which clearly says the wife has to return or compensate the husband before the divorce can be completed.Also there is a Sahih hadith in Bukhari of thabit ibn qays who was returned the Garden that was given as mehr. I fear if I go to this settlement to them it will not be in the most just Islamic manner,I fear there may be injustice done towards me in regards to the MehrAlso I fear there will be absolutely no chance or possibility for me to seek her to reconsider her choice.
I am reaching out for your help desperately,I was speaking to a good friend of mine he told me the best thing to do is find a Neutral place with a highly qualified Mufti who may be able to oversee all these proceedings and settlement in the most justified islamic way. Also it may be an opportunity for my wife and me to receive some counselling from your expertise and by Allah's will potentially reverse her decision.I just want this process to go as justified as possible islamically so that no party may wrong another.I have to mention that from my part in all honesty due my mental stress between working and studying and being diagnosed of a heart problem I have many times not been able to give her the time for INTIMACY. this is my fault in my part.However please note that this was not intentional refusal.it was more like tomorrow and tomorrow.sometimes few months would go.This matter was discussed with some of our family arbitrators and it was reconciled and i took care of the problem immediately however as time went by the mental stress e.t.c came back and again we wouldn't be intimate for some monthsfinally they decided while I travelled to visit my parents In Africa they don't want me back and want a divorce
I came back tried by best to reconcile in anyway and every way but failed.they will not even sit down for reconciliation
I am still willing to take her back and continue the marriage and work things outi do not want to give divorce
please shed light on the issues of MEHR as they have brought it up and its a very large amount
jazakallah please help

Shariah Board of America · Accepted Answer

First of all, when you knew that your life was so busy that would make it difficult for you to satisfy the rights of your wife, you should not have married her in the first place.
After marriage, the rights of your wife take priority over your education, because the rights of wife are obligatory and in spite of her repeated demands, your non-fulfilment of her rights was  an injustice towards her.  
If you now find yourself capable of properly satisfying her marital demands, you may try again to sit with her and her family or approach someone influential within your families to intervene and assist in reconciliation.  
If there is still no breakthrough, and your wife insists on &ldquo;khulaa&rdquo; then first of all it has to approved by you. Without husband&rsquo;s approval the &ldquo;khulaa&rdquo; cannot take place.
After your acceptance, the &ldquo;shariah&rdquo; allows you to take back  the dower money you had given to your wife at the time of your nikah. It is not allowed to demand more than that amount from your wife or her family in compensation for your approval of &ldquo;khulaa&rdquo;.
Having said that, it will be more appropriate for you to consult a family court of justice &ldquo;Darul Qadha&rdquo; in your area for further reassurance in this matter. 
 Fatawa ID: 1089